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Last of the War Novels

by Jersey Water

supported by
Jason Mitchell
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Jason Mitchell Great album! Love the genre and Ryan did it justice here. Well done.
Rickey D Sain
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Rickey D Sain Hi Ryan. Thank you for creating such awesome music. Favorite track: There's More to Living.
shiftynj
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shiftynj Been following Ryan for a long time now. Can't wait to listen to this new disc.
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1.
If I were to kill myself I’d go all the way back in the woods Where no one would find me For the past few nights I’ve written down my dreams On small, yellow post-its Then I’d burn them in the sink I can still smell the smoke in the morning And in the summer I'd drink In the graveyard shade I could’ve bought a ticket with the money I made I wandered through Downtown Crossing And sat on the stair I didn’t care who saw me there So I made a video about the way I feel And the bright lights of the ambulette It felt good I guess To get it off my chest Still nobody knows what it’s like To have to stand up straight The shoes on the power line The light from the kitchen, I know I never felt more like myself than I did on my own I may be faithful one day To the woods To the video So when I got to the woods Baby, I went all the way It reminded me of all the mistakes I’ve made I laughed some And I cried some too Then I took off my shirt Well I once was lost, my best friend used to sing But now I’m found, but I could never believe her I turned my back on her Put my fists in my pockets
2.
Got my stories My Love, my horror, my childhood ones And if I leave don’t worry about me or where I’ll go I’ll be fine Sun up, Scarlet Knight Sun up, Scarlet Knight Cause when the night ends the day begins On the banks of the Old Raritan A cold foyer A freshman boy who just wants to live In your loneliest voice you sang out From your vantage point Now you’re hanging me out to dry From pool to pool you’d go You said you were too drunk to dive You took a cue from the New School And from what you learned at the old one in ’95 Sun up, Scarlet Knight Sun up, Scarlet Knight
3.
Shaken and awakened in the back of the bus Thinking about a boy I knew at Governor’s School And pictures Pictures of pianos When I was a kid I played piano And when I grew I grew up lonely But hell no Things are looking up now Things are getting better Don’t you ever want to die And movies where everything was groovy Almost anything could move me I could feel it in my mouth And records Records of us singing When we were young we all were singing Then Rodney died and the song, it ended But hell no Things are looking up now Things are getting better Don’t you ever want to bop bop Security bop bop I know that it’s mine Bop bop Security bop bop I know that it’s mine And if you want to sing, well it’s all right Sing it all you can Now you can hang out with your friend The darkness can excuse you for a while Bop bop Security bop bop I know that it’s mine
4.
5.
Hang 02:38
And it’d be the best part of the trip If you leaned your eyes down toward mine and your sign It read, I searched your name For clues on how you began I’m so pathetic I blamed you for all of my headaches I blamed you for smothering my sight with foul gestures And it’d be the best part of the trip If you leaned your eyes down toward mine and your sign It read, I searched your name For clues on how you began The sound rarely came out clear and turquoise And you must have been packing your bags while it all came out Crass and Subhumans You and your flag on my wrist Give to me your dirty art and I’ll hang it And it’d be the best part of the trip If you leaned your eyes down toward mine and your sign It read, I searched your name For clues on how you began
6.
You hurt me when you left School got out I felt I had no place A summer spent in such a liminal space I'm on my way I hurt you when I left It was drizzling off and on Just trying to put the damage on I'm on my way For whom's this latest serenade Kick off the bulkhead and row 'Cross the Shrewsbury of my soul Of my soul I wish I had the body of Alexander Mascari Outside of Krauszer's with them roller coaster screams Making amends with you in my dreams In my dreams we’re walking on the water But we’re only walking down the street Just practicing our Bob Dylan cruelty We got clovers and clubs on our sleeves On our sleeves Just trying to be someone we’re not
7.
Arpeggios 02:56
While the kids jumped from roof to roof From calling to calling We stuck it out on those old terracotta tiles We could see to Fort Monmouth We could talk about it Playing those arpeggios Up and down Made me come around And while the golds and the blues turned the sunset You know I tried to tell you But you'd never believe me So we talked about your weakness For the boys up on the marque Out in the dark Out in the streets of our daily anger I saw you there A fellow cast away Playing those arpeggios Up and down Made me come around Sure I thought about my early, wild years But I'm through with that kind of longing At least for now all I want is proof Come on, gimme some proof Of my worth
8.
For Erik 03:42
It's twelve forty in New York a Thursday A week before B leaves for California And I'm walking past the bodega down on Havemeyer I see my friend Geoff, I haven't heard from him in a while He says last night Erik Rhodes died of a heart attack I knew you had a thing for him a few years back You followed him down to where his skin began Down those lonesome limbs You memorized just how they'd bend You called him up one night when you were feeling low You waited for an hour, but he never showed And the way a horseshoe curves and envelopes you I remember at Industry you'd watch him from across the room And there were no trophies found in his dresser drawers Or change in the jeans he wore the night before And there were no laurel leaves found beneath his bed No saved emails never sent Just the cold, pale, blue of computer light The softening of his skin like dandelions Cause what's there to do with flesh after it wastes away After eight, tired years of verses and refrains And this morning I was so hungover from my father’s wine Just as a twin brother awoke into an only child What am I gonna do now If only I knew how
9.
For the greater good, Sir I fell in line Attaboy The saddest lines were all through composed I hope when I’m gone (the last of the war novels) I won’t wrestle much (was from the point of view of a child) No, it's a kind of interdependence We’ve, for too long, relied on Wait, tell me where to go (the girls braid each other’s hair) If it were that simple (on the rectory steps) I would’ve found my way by now My shoes untied My uniform stained black and blue But in my mind I’ve gone farther than I’ve ever gone Past the Donnelly’s My brother used to hang there all the time
10.
I’ve been feeling lonely Having found out that my house was never haunted When I get home from work Nothing’s ever fixed Nothing’s stolen It’s okay if you’re not true to me We learned to dance at night When the clubs let out and the sun comes up You deserve to be all right Alone, idly yours An anagram for my baby twice removed I’ve been crying in the base exchange Can’t find the strength to go back to my room Farthest from the alter I'm farthest from the sea I dreamed that I met Jesus and he was lonelier than me We were figuring out the chords to “Will Your Anchor Hold”Come and take me in your blues Brush up against the places we were born into I don’t mind We can talk as if we’re adults We can talk as if we’re strangers And walk me home with blood on my shoes And think of all the new ways Our bodies will move when we are famous I once followed him to one part of the city to another My heart can break for someone else Just as it breaks for you A city with no influence and no purpose All’s misconstrued So alone, idly yours An anagram for my baby, for my bride I know how far the tide comes up I’ve seen it with much more than just my eyes For the rebels and their albatross I’ve nothing left to give A season spent in infantry I’ve changed my mind I wanna live Been plugging up the holes with steel wool, babe Come and take me in your blues Brush up against the places we were born into I don’t mind We can talk as if we’re adults We can talk as if we’re strangers And walk me home with blood on my shoes We can talk as if we’re adults We can talk as if we’re strangers And walk me home with blood on my shoes

about

Cover drawing by Joe Sinness, joesinness.com

credits

released July 20, 2014

All songs by Ryan Doyle except "There's More to Living," written by Linda Rich.

A big thank you to Joe Sinness for the use of his drawing entitled "Try Being Lonely." You can find more of his artwork at joesinness.com. Also, thanks to Zach Holbrook for his banjo playing on "Hang" and thank you to Matt Nasser for letting me borrow his piano for an afternoon. And thanks to you for listening. xo Ryan

If you are a young person who is in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgment-free place to talk, call the Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386 or visit www.thetrevorproject.org. Trained counselors are available to talk 24/7.

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Jersey Water

I started out
on Chips Ahoy
But soon hit the Double Stuf

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